I feel my writing slipping away. How can something I never really nurtured slip away? I cleaned off my bulletin board at my desk yesterday. A small area maybe 18 inches by 12 inches. My New Year’s resolutions were posted from last year along with some ideas for a general schedule. Writing was on there. Not a resolution but something I wanted to work on. It’s been an entire year and I haven’t really done much with it. This makes me sad.
Until having children I never really yearned to write but now I think about it on a daily basis. Multiple times a day in fact. Hannah will say something (“It’s nine o’clock thirty”) or Simon will hit a milestone (not quite crawling but bouncing back on his back legs like he’s ready to start a race) and I want to run to my desk and write about it. All these moments, faces, thoughts, experiences. I don’t want them to slip away without documenting this time in my life. Good and bad.
I just finished Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son’s First Year by Anne Lamott. This memoir of Anne’s first year with her son has been an inspiration in continuing to write down these moments. I related so much to her honest, raw, sometimes disturbing, but hilarious moments with her son. Especially the sleep deprivation as Simon continues to struggle with this. Okay, maybe I don’t relate so much to her past as an alcoholic and drug addict but in the end she’s just a mom trying to make it work. As I write this Simon is wailing in the next room. A second attempt at an afternoon nap today after waking up this morning around 3:45 AM. It’s so exhausting sometimes.
For now, all I can do is live in this moment and pray that I can get back to this desk and get some of this down. I haven’t disappeared and I thank all of you readers for following me in this journey.